I’d like a martini please. Dry, with lots of olives, At least three…

Well, it was my yearly Spa visit today. And by spa, I don’t mean one of those faboo places where cabana boys rub your feet and you sip drinks by the pool while sweet young men cater to your every whim. I’m talking mammogram/pap smear and if I phrase it that way it not only makes the nurses laugh it also takes a bit of the edge off.

A bit.

As some of you know, I’ve had my bouts with cervical cancer over the past decade or so – and thus my yearly mantra to all and sundry to not put off this vital bit of female upkeep. Yes, it’s not fun and annoying and a bit embarassing to those of us with a bit of dignity left but trust me; it found and diagnosed the little bugger cancer cells before they could get any bigger and more dangerous.

The mammogram, well… it *is* National Breast Cancer Month and it’s been bleated across the airwaves how useful a mammogram is for detecting breast cancer in the early stages. Again, it’s a bit annoying and for those of us NOT endowed with much in that area it’s a bit discouraging but it’s a vital part of staying alive in this day and age where we have the technology to find tumors and deal with it ASAP. And there’s just something so *wrong* about staring at a machine called the Mammomat. Seriously. It must have been a man who named it; no reasonable woman would have tossed that name onto such a device.

So… just a note to those out there who qualify – yes, I know it’s not the most fun way to spend an hour or two but take it from one who knows – it may well save your life. Or at least give you new appreciation for what you’ve got.

Having said that, I’m sitting at a Panera while the Wookie is out on a few errands; after which he will drag me back to bed and cuddle my aching body into a sweet nap that’ll beat anything Tony Stark could deliver. Sorry, fangirls… having a man who "gets" me when I start up with the nervous twitches when I even get the notice in the mail to schedule these things is darned priceless. I will, however, sell his DNA on request.

🙂

Over and out!

(where’s that drink?)

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14 thoughts on “I’d like a martini please. Dry, with lots of olives, At least three…

  1. I guess they thought Mammomat was less intimidating than Boob Squisher of DOOM(tm).
    I doubt I’ll ever bother with a mammogram, because frankly I haven’t got enough boob to squish (literally). However, I have been skulking about, procrastinating on the pap I’m about seven years overdue for. I’ve never been, how you say, ‘at risk’ (to put it delicately) for STDs, but my mother had to have cells burned off and SHOULD be going every six months for a checkup; so a pap is in my best interest.

    • Hmm… I think you should trademark that one; I bet it’s a bestseller. Seriously. What else can you call such a torture device?
      well, it’s a lot more than just the STD’s – in my case there was a small group of pre-cancerous cells that were just beginning to sprout… and it’s really got nothing much to do with STD’s and more with just good health.
      I shall add you to my nag list, then…
      *grins evilly*
      and don’t think that just ’cause you ain’t got a lot to squish that it isn’t worth it – I’ve seen articles of men with nothing to speak of in that area having to have surgery.
      get. thee. hence.
      nag mode off.
      🙂

      • I actually got so far as the paper gown when the nurse practitioner told me that since I’d never been sexually active, I didn’t need a pap. I knew it was wrong, but I totally chickened out and escaped. I need to rectify that.
        (I have less than most men who weigh what I do. It’s depressing. But there’s no history of breast cancer in my family at all, so I’m still a good 12 years away from the recommended boob-squishage age.)

  2. I guess they thought Mammomat was less intimidating than Boob Squisher of DOOM(tm).
    I doubt I’ll ever bother with a mammogram, because frankly I haven’t got enough boob to squish (literally). However, I have been skulking about, procrastinating on the pap I’m about seven years overdue for. I’ve never been, how you say, ‘at risk’ (to put it delicately) for STDs, but my mother had to have cells burned off and SHOULD be going every six months for a checkup; so a pap is in my best interest.

    • Hmm… I think you should trademark that one; I bet it’s a bestseller. Seriously. What else can you call such a torture device?
      well, it’s a lot more than just the STD’s – in my case there was a small group of pre-cancerous cells that were just beginning to sprout… and it’s really got nothing much to do with STD’s and more with just good health.
      I shall add you to my nag list, then…
      *grins evilly*
      and don’t think that just ’cause you ain’t got a lot to squish that it isn’t worth it – I’ve seen articles of men with nothing to speak of in that area having to have surgery.
      get. thee. hence.
      nag mode off.
      🙂

      • I actually got so far as the paper gown when the nurse practitioner told me that since I’d never been sexually active, I didn’t need a pap. I knew it was wrong, but I totally chickened out and escaped. I need to rectify that.
        (I have less than most men who weigh what I do. It’s depressing. But there’s no history of breast cancer in my family at all, so I’m still a good 12 years away from the recommended boob-squishage age.)

  3. Here… have a digital martini on me…
    My roommate and I call the visit to the gynecologist, “getting our tires rotated”, but spa is also good.
    I’m sorry to hear that today was so rough on you, but hopefully, by now, you are relaxing in bed.

  4. Here… have a digital martini on me…
    My roommate and I call the visit to the gynecologist, “getting our tires rotated”, but spa is also good.
    I’m sorry to hear that today was so rough on you, but hopefully, by now, you are relaxing in bed.

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