why I won’t be going to see “300”…

I’m a bit of snob, I guess – I’m not going to go see the “300” primarily because it’s about as historically accurate as “Titanic” was… and don’t get me started on that one!

I know, I know – it’s the hottest movie of the year, yatta yatta yatta, but I just have a hard time wrapping my mind around a director tossing away all the historical facts and barely sticking with the truth.

Point: There were more than 300 there. Yes, 300 Spartans but probably a thousand more Greek soldiers who did pretty darned good and held their own, not hysterical nits as in the movie.

Point: Xerxes was a man. Really. Not a huge swaggering metrosexual in the front lines, but a Persian ruler who had a long white beard and stayed in the back, directing his troops. Can’t really fault Iran for being annoyed at this interpretation of a REAL historical figure. If they made a movie that had George Washington as a flaming homosexual the US would be just as upset.

Point: Seriously, we *know* they had armor. And swords, not samurai swords. And there was a whole naval battle taking place that was just as important as this land battle.

Point: Spartan boys had to kill a slave to “graduate”, not a wolf. If it were a wolf the species would probably have been extinct long before we started noticing them.

Point: Blood doesn’t gush like that. I know, I know – it’s so cool to see geysers spurting into the air and all that gore, but take it from someone who worked in an ER – it doesn’t happen that way. War doesn’t happen that way.

I realise it’s all a testerone-filled yaya film for the boys, but I weep to think of the kids now rushing back into the classrooms and demanding that their history books be rewritten to reflect this CGI mockery of history. If you’re going to do anything historical, do it honestly. It’s not like the real story is any less epic or less heroic – maybe even more, since the men would be more real and less CGI-rendered pecs and packages that just aren’t human.

rant off.

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8 thoughts on “why I won’t be going to see “300”…

  1. I’m with you on not seeing this, but I’m more turned off by the CGI than by their messing with history. I swear computers are ruining movies. I can understand Sin City and its use of computers. That worked. But Ancient Greece? When the sky is brown and there are crazy mutant things stomping around like in the preview I saw… they lost me.

  2. I’m with you on not seeing this, but I’m more turned off by the CGI than by their messing with history. I swear computers are ruining movies. I can understand Sin City and its use of computers. That worked. But Ancient Greece? When the sky is brown and there are crazy mutant things stomping around like in the preview I saw… they lost me.

  3. I’m not going to see it because I saw a trailer for it on Leno, and it looks like one of the worst films ever released. Bad CGI, bad acting, you name it. I predict a Golden Turkey award.

  4. I’m not going to see it because I saw a trailer for it on Leno, and it looks like one of the worst films ever released. Bad CGI, bad acting, you name it. I predict a Golden Turkey award.

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