if I had the UN podium for a few minutes…

Dear Iraqis:

It’s become obvious that your new government either cannot or will not stop the religious violence that is swamping your country. Either your elected officials are incompetent and should be replaced, or they are so corrupt as to condone the murder and slaughter of innocent civilians in the name of one religious faction or another.

So here’s the deal.

The US troops are leaving. Now. However, their last action before letting you take over this beautiful country; this cradle of civilization and run it into the ground is to open up the Baghdad Airport one last time.

There are dozens of planes there. From Canada, Australia, Britain… all over the world. They are waiting to take your women and children to a safe haven where they can worship in peace and grow up knowing what “freedom of religion” is. Where they can go to the market and not be afraid of getting blown up by some suicide bomber following the orders of some religious zealot who is anything but religious and only wants to take over more land.

Men are allowed, of course. But they will be monitored in their new adoptive countries and if they should even hint at the religious intolerance that has destroyed your land they will be returned to Baghdad Airport within hours. If you wish to fight for your religion, do so on your own soil – not your adopted homeland. But you will not take your wives and children to use as human shields or as weapons.

In a generation or maybe two, your children and grandchildren will return to reclaim their homeland; taking back a wasteland of dead bodies and wasted resources. But it will at least be theirs, and they will have a life much better than being used as fodder for some power-hungry zealot. They will have learnt the meaning of religious tolerance and will rebuild Iraq to stand once again as a shining jewel in the Middle East for their generation, long after the bleached bones of the fanatics are scraped off the streets and shoved into garbage bins.

The airport is open. The planes are waiting.

Have a good day.

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