awaiting tomorrow…

ack.

well, my nerves have already started to kick in about a pair of doctor appts. tomorrow – 8 am, bright and early with the gyne for a yearly Pap smear and at 12 noon for a crown to be slapped on one of my teeth at the dentist.

neither of which bring me any joy.

let me explain – while I’m VERY thankful that I’ve been cancer-free now for almost two years, it’s still the nagging fear that it may come back that keeps the St. Peregrine medal on my necklace and a set of rosary beads in my pocket with a bit of Lourdes water attached – even if I’m a lousy Catholic. Given that it’s such a hidden cancer I hate the fact that it may be there (or WAS there, in my case) and I didn’t even know it. Insert plug here for yearly Pap smears for all women – it’s a pain in the butt (well, not really…) but worth it, girls…

the dentist – I have had a fear of dentist for years, going back to a butcher in Scarborough, Toronto who used to just give me the laughing gas and NOT freeze my mouth while putting in miles of fillings. I thought I had gotten better thanks to a great woman in Toronto, but a few months ago a filling fell out and I needed to find a local doctor. He replaced it just fine and we made appts. for a crown to be placed on a root canal I had done almost ten years ago and for replacement filling for those who were darned old.

my first appt was hell – he had to add an extra shot of freezing due to my hand jumping around my leg signalling pain. I know it’s not their fault, but I’m dreading having any work done at this point since I’m a coward beyond belief. If they could put me out, literally, and do all the work at once I’d pay the extra cash. Really. I know tomorrow is “only” a crown and it’s not going to be much at all since they just slap the cover atop the tooth (with a little filing down of same to make it fit) but still… and then dealing with the inlays is going to be a whole ‘nother crisis of nerves. Especially one set who another butcher told me would need root canals over a decade ago and they’re fine, but if they have to be drilled out might just be worse than I can possible imagine.

I hate this.

the Wookie is helpful, but still… it’s totally irrational fears and darn it, I hate being trapped by them.

however, if anyone can point me towards some good SG-1 smut (Sam/Jack,please) or some Atlantis smut (open to all possiblilities) I’d appreciate it.

and girls – I’m not kidding about the Pap smear. I still shiver to think of what would have happened if I had ignored that first positive test. Not good.

off to justify another day of not doing much… well, writing, that is… big fight scene in novella is shaping up…

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2 thoughts on “awaiting tomorrow…

  1. I remember the author’s note you put on one of the Dragon series telling us about your cancer, which was at the time all I knew about it, and being really pleased that you’d survived it.
    I have my smear on Friday. Not looking forward to it, but I keep your story in mind each time (and my eyes shut).

  2. I remember the author’s note you put on one of the Dragon series telling us about your cancer, which was at the time all I knew about it, and being really pleased that you’d survived it.
    I have my smear on Friday. Not looking forward to it, but I keep your story in mind each time (and my eyes shut).

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